Relationship Series, #5

Unity In Marriage


This evening I would like to continue our series on relationships. For the past couple weeks we’ve been looking at isolation and it’s effect upon relationships. We showed by the Word of God, that it doesn’t matter if it is in a marriage or in a church. When someone in that group, or marriage, begins to become depressed, they will soon to lose hope, (which is what actually brings on the depression,  and when they’ve lost hope, they begin to isolate themselves, whether from spouse or from the body of believers, and before you know it they will divorce that spouse or group of believers.


Now, last Sunday I promised you that I would bring out the tools we need to repair and maintain a marriage relationship. Therefore, this evening, we will begin examining these tools which we shall find in the Word of God.


Remember, since it was God that gave us the institution called marriage and it is He also that gave us the institution called the Church, therefore, if He made these institutions, knowing the limitations of man, then He would also make a way for those institutions to prosper.


Now the first thing we must understand is that in order to have unity, there must be an agreement between the two parties involved.


In AMOS 3:3 we read, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”


Therefore, it is essential that the two who wish to walk together must first be in agreement. And that only makes sense. If I want to walk in this direction, and you want to walk in that direction, then we would not be in agreement. Therefore, we must first decide what direction would be best for us to walk, and once we have agreed to this then we may begin walking together.


So there must be an agreement. And the word agreement means to be of the same opinion, and to have the same understanding and implies that of coming together without conflict.


Now, if two can walk together only if they are of the same opinion and have the same understanding, then there must be a way to bring about this union of mind.


Now, marriage is a contract between the Groom and his Bride. And any contract to be legal must have  a meeting of the minds or it is not considered a valid contract. In other words, if only one of you agree that you will get married, then you do not have a valid contract. It takes a meeting of the minds to be considered a valid and legally binding contract.


Another term that we use for the word contract is the word covenant. We speak of the marriage covenant, which is a contract between two people that is enforceable by law. 


Now, in getting back to our thoughts on this marriage covenant, or contract, we have already established that two can not walk together unless they be agreed.     


Marriage is an institution that God created. And thus if marriage is the coming together of two individuals to make one marriage, then there must be a definition of what God intended for this Marriage to work.


Therefore, we must ask ourselves, what it is that we are to be agreed upon.


AMOS 3:3Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”


Now, if we were to examine the word used here in this old testament book of Amos, we find that the word agreed is a Hebrew word, y-a-a-d,  pronounced, {yaw-ad'}, and it means 1) to fix, appoint, assemble, meet, set, or betroth.


In EXODUS 21:9  we find this word used as betroth, “And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.  10  If he take him another [wife]; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.


Therefore we can see that this agreement is actually a contract that is life long. In this case where we find a father buying a wife for his son, it says, if the son doesn’t honor this agreement, (this betrothal), that does not nullify the contract. He must still provide for her food and clothing and her duty of marriage which is 1) cohabitation, and conjugal rights.


So we see then when AMOS 3:3 tells us “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

It is actually speaking of a binding contract, one which can not be broken, for as soon as it is broken you are not walking together.


We see the same thing spoken of by the Apostle Paul in II Corinthians 6:14    Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15    And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16    And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17    Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you, 18    And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.


What Paul is telling us here is that God has chosen one way in which to build a relationship, and that is through having the same mind, and walking together in that same mind. It does not matter whether He is speaking of our relationship as sons and daughters to God or the relationship of a man to his wife. He says, : for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? What fellowship can you get when you put together a right-wise-ness with a wrong understanding?  You’ve got to both have the same understanding to walk together. You have got to be agreed on the direction you will walk.


Now, in order for any contract to be effective, that contract must spell out the main agreement or meeting of the minds. And the main purpose of the marriage covenant or contract is to lay out the main points in this union or two people.


Remember, God Himself said in the beginning when He established the Marriage Covenant, GENESIS 2:24   Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.


Then when Jesus come to earth to manifest His Father to man, He said the same thing, MATTHEW 19:3        The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?   4    And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,  5    And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?    6    Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


Paul reconfirms this in EPHESIANS 5:31   For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 


Therefore we see as Jesus so perfectly stated, they are no longer two but one and what makes this happen is the covenant which can not be broken.


Therefore, the covenant establishes an agreement for the marriage. It brings a meeting of the minds between tow that establishes a oneness in purpose, direction and plan for the marriage.


Now, in building anything there has to be a foundation which the rest of the building must rest upon. King Solomon who was the wisest man that ever lived, said in


PROVERBS 24:3       Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4    And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.     There are then 3 principle things needed in order to build and maintain a lasting and prosperous marriage. #1) Wisdom… #2) Understanding  & #3) Knowledge…


Notice the results of a marriage when it is built, established, and filled according to God’s plan.


Let’s first begin our examination of the marriage tools, by looking at this first part of Solomon’s advise.  And let’s face it, if any one knew anything about marriage, this man should because had 500 wives. Therefore, let’s examine this first point…  Through wisdom is an house builded….



Wisdom is the first principle we shall look at that is needed to build a marriage. And how do we get wisdom? PSALMS 111:10   The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]:  And this fear means, 1b) to be awestruck & terrified (of God), in such a manner that you respect and reverence Him.


When Solomon said, …  Through wisdom is an house builded. It is eseential then that if we are to get wisdom it must come from God, and a healthy fear of God is the beginning of this wisdom.


When David was instructing Solomon we read in PSALMS 127:1  A Song of degrees for Solomon. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain.


Therefore, if God is not in the marriage contract you have nothing to hold it together. Who then is the builder of your marriage. For many today it is self. No wonder so many of them fall apart.


PROVERBS 4:  5    Get wisdom, get understanding: forget [it] not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.6    Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. 7    Wisdom [is] the principal thing; (in other words, it is the first thing) [therefore] get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.


PROVERBS 16:16  How much better [is it] to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!


A marriage that begins with wisdom, begins with a recognition that God is the head of that home, and every rule for establishing that home must come forth from God Himself, through His Word. That home will be a well of understanding which brings us to principle


#2) Understanding.

Now understanding means to get or perceive the meaning. To know what is meant, to comprehend.  Understanding means responding to life’s circumstances with insight and a perspective that looks at life through God’s eyes. Understanding your mate through God’s perspective results in an acceptance of his or her differences and beginning to learn how God made that person to complement you. Understanding produces compassion for your partner. It will give you insight to lead wisely or follow prudently.


But let me say this. In order for you to enter into this understanding, you must have love. For love is what makes this understanding work and that brings comfort.


COLOSSIANS 2:2  2    That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;


JEHOVAH JIREH 59-0417    When I go overseas... I got a lovely wife. And I tell her now, "Good bye, sweetheart, you pray for me now." She prays for me. When I'm overseas, and I'm gone for months, and I pick up a letter, she'll say, "Dear Billy, I am setting here tonight with the children, thinking much of you..." Now, I see what she's writing on the paper, but you see, I love her so much till I--I can read between the lines. I know what she's talking about. See? And that's the way it is with God. You can't set down and read it in a cold formal heart. You've got to be in love with the Author, and then you can read between the lines. Then you--you have an understanding of the Scriptures.


Wisdom gives you focus, while understanding brings you application, and knowledge brings about a reckoning.


Let me rephrase that.  Wisdom brings illumination, Understanding application, and knowledge brings identification. Wisdom


ONCOMING STORM V-15 N-2  60-0229  Oh, how comfortable it is to see the oncoming judgments, and feel that comfort feeling of the Holy Spirit. Hear them talk of atomic bombs, and just think what's happened, a peace that passes understanding. Why, the bomb won't no more go out of the gun until we'll be in the Presence of Jesus with Eternal Life; we old people, back young again; the babies, up to an age with no more death or sorrow. Oh, what a wonderful thing. You mean a man would refuse to come out and walk in that? There's something wrong with him.


So we see, God placed you and your spouse together to balance each other out. 


Understanding builds oneness by “establishing” the relationship on a foundation of common insight. And this common insight builds compassion for one another. And Paul said, I CORINTHIANS 3:9   For we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, [ye are] God's building. 10    According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon. 11       For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12    Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; 13    Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. 14    If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.