Relationship Series, #5
Unity In Marriage
This evening I would like to continue our series on
relationships. For the past couple weeks we’ve been looking at isolation and it’s
effect upon relationships. We showed by the Word of God, that it doesn’t matter
if it is in a marriage or in a church. When someone in that group, or marriage,
begins to become depressed, they will soon to lose hope, (which is what
actually brings on the depression, and
when they’ve lost hope, they begin to isolate themselves, whether from spouse
or from the body of believers, and before you know it they will divorce that
spouse or group of believers.
Now, last Sunday I promised you that I would bring out
the tools we need to repair and maintain a marriage relationship. Therefore,
this evening, we will begin examining these tools which we shall find in the
Word of God.
Remember, since it was God that gave us the institution
called marriage and it is He also that gave us the institution called the
Church, therefore, if He made these institutions, knowing the limitations of
man, then He would also make a way for those institutions to prosper.
Now the first thing we must understand is that in order
to have unity, there must be an agreement between the two parties involved.
In AMOS 3:3 we
read, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Therefore, it is essential that the two who wish to walk
together must first be in agreement. And that only makes sense. If I want to
walk in this direction, and you want to walk in that direction, then we would
not be in agreement. Therefore, we must first decide what direction would be
best for us to walk, and once we have agreed to this then we may begin walking
together.
So there must be an agreement. And the word agreement
means to be of the same opinion, and to have the same understanding and implies
that of coming together without conflict.
Now, if two can walk together only if they are of the
same opinion and have the same understanding, then there must be a way to bring
about this union of mind.
Now, marriage is a contract between the Groom and his
Bride. And any contract to be legal must have
a meeting of the minds or it is not considered a valid contract. In
other words, if only one of you agree that you will get married, then you do
not have a valid contract. It takes a meeting of the minds to be considered a
valid and legally binding contract.
Another term that we use for the word contract is the
word covenant. We speak of the marriage covenant, which is a contract between
two people that is enforceable by law.
Now, in getting back to our thoughts on this marriage
covenant, or contract, we have already established that two can not walk together
unless they be agreed.
Marriage is an institution that God created. And thus if
marriage is the coming together of two individuals to make one marriage, then
there must be a definition of what God intended for this Marriage to work.
Therefore, we must ask ourselves, what it is that we are
to be agreed upon.
AMOS 3:3 “Can two walk
together, except they be agreed?”
Now, if we were to examine the word used here in this old
testament book of Amos, we find that the word agreed is a Hebrew word,
y-a-a-d, pronounced, {yaw-ad'},
and it means 1) to fix, appoint, assemble, meet, set, or betroth.
In EXODUS 21:9 we find this word used as betroth, “And if he have betrothed her unto his son,
he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.” 10 If he take him another [wife]; her food, her
raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
Therefore we can see that this agreement is actually a
contract that is life long. In this case where we find a father buying a wife
for his son, it says, if the son doesn’t honor this agreement, (this
betrothal), that does not nullify the contract. He must still provide for her
food and clothing and her duty of marriage which is 1) cohabitation, and conjugal
rights.
So we see then when AMOS
3:3 tells us “Can two walk together,
except they be agreed?”
It is actually speaking of a binding contract, one which
can not be broken, for as soon as it is broken you are not walking together.
We see the same thing spoken of by the Apostle Paul in II Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with
darkness? 15 And what concord hath
Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the
What Paul is telling us here is that God has chosen one
way in which to build a relationship, and that is through having the same mind,
and walking together in that same mind. It does not matter whether He is
speaking of our relationship as sons and daughters to God or the relationship
of a man to his wife. He says, : for what fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? What fellowship can you get when you put together a
right-wise-ness with a wrong understanding?
You’ve got to both have the same understanding to walk together. You have
got to be agreed on the direction you will walk.
Now, in order for any contract to be effective, that
contract must spell out the main agreement or meeting of the minds. And the
main purpose of the marriage covenant or contract is to lay out the main points
in this union or two people.
Remember, God Himself said in the beginning when He
established the Marriage Covenant, GENESIS
2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Then when Jesus come to earth to manifest His Father to
man, He said the same thing, MATTHEW
19:3 ¶ The Pharisees also came unto
him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his
wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye
not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and
female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave
father and mother, and shall cleave to
his wife: and they twain shall be
one flesh? 6 Wherefore
they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Paul reconfirms this in EPHESIANS 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Therefore we see as Jesus so perfectly stated, they are
no longer two but one and what makes this happen is the covenant which can not
be broken.
Therefore, the covenant establishes an agreement for the
marriage. It brings a meeting of the minds between tow that establishes a
oneness in purpose, direction and plan for the marriage.
Now, in building anything there has to be a foundation
which the rest of the building must rest upon. King Solomon who was the wisest
man that ever lived, said in
PROVERBS 24:3
¶ Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4 And by knowledge
shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. There
are then 3 principle things needed in order to build and maintain a lasting and
prosperous marriage. #1) Wisdom… #2) Understanding & #3) Knowledge…
Notice the results of a marriage when it is built,
established, and filled according to God’s plan.
Let’s first begin our examination of the marriage tools,
by looking at this first part of Solomon’s advise. And let’s face it, if any one knew anything
about marriage, this man should because had 500 wives. Therefore, let’s examine
this first point…¶ Through
wisdom is an house builded….
#1) WISDOM
Wisdom is the first principle we shall look at that is
needed to build a marriage. And how do we get wisdom? PSALMS 111:10 The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of
wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]: And this fear means, 1b) to be awestruck & terrified (of God), in such
a manner that you respect and reverence Him.
When Solomon said, …¶ Through wisdom is an house builded. It is
eseential then that if we are to get wisdom it must come from God, and a
healthy fear of God is the beginning of this wisdom.
When David was instructing Solomon we read in PSALMS 127:1 ¶ A Song of degrees for
Solomon. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it:
except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain.
Therefore, if God is not in the marriage contract you
have nothing to hold it together. Who then is the builder of your marriage. For
many today it is self. No wonder so many of them fall apart.
PROVERBS
4: 5 Get
wisdom, get understanding: forget [it] not; neither decline from the words
of my mouth.6 Forsake her not, and she
shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. 7 Wisdom
[is] the principal thing; (in other words, it is the first thing)
[therefore] get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
PROVERBS
16:16 ¶ How much better
[is it] to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen
than silver!
A marriage that begins with wisdom, begins with a recognition
that God is the head of that home, and every rule for establishing that home
must come forth from God Himself, through His Word. That home will be a well of
understanding which brings us to principle
#2)
Understanding.
Now understanding means to get or perceive the meaning.
To know what is meant, to comprehend. Understanding means responding to life’s
circumstances with insight and a perspective that looks at life through God’s
eyes. Understanding your mate through God’s perspective results in an
acceptance of his or her differences and beginning to learn how God made that
person to complement you. Understanding produces compassion for your partner.
It will give you insight to lead wisely or follow prudently.
But
let me say this. In order for you to enter into this understanding, you must
have love. For love is what makes this understanding work and that brings
comfort.
COLOSSIANS 2:2
2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together
in love,
and unto all riches of the full assurance of
understanding, to the acknowledgement of the
mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;
JEHOVAH
JIREH 59-0417
When I go overseas... I got a lovely wife. And I tell her now,
"Good bye, sweetheart, you pray for me now." She prays for me. When
I'm overseas, and I'm gone for months, and I pick up a letter, she'll say,
"Dear Billy, I am setting here tonight with the children, thinking much of
you..." Now, I see what she's writing on the paper, but you see, I love her so much till I--I can read between
the lines. I know what she's talking about. See?
And that's the way it is with God. You can't set down and read it in a cold
formal heart. You've got to be in love with the Author, and then you can read
between the lines. Then you--you have an understanding of the Scriptures.
Wisdom
gives you focus, while understanding brings you application, and knowledge
brings about a reckoning.
Let me rephrase that.
Wisdom brings illumination, Understanding application, and knowledge
brings identification. Wisdom
ONCOMING
STORM V-15 N-2 60-0229 Oh, how comfortable it is to see the
oncoming judgments, and feel that comfort feeling of the Holy Spirit. Hear them
talk of atomic bombs, and just think what's happened, a peace that passes
understanding. Why, the bomb won't no more go out of the gun until we'll be in
the Presence of Jesus with Eternal Life; we old people, back young again; the
babies, up to an age with no more death or sorrow. Oh, what a wonderful thing.
You mean a man would refuse to come out and walk in that? There's something
wrong with him.
So we see, God placed you and your spouse together to
balance each other out.
Understanding builds oneness by “establishing” the
relationship on a foundation of common insight. And this common insight builds
compassion for one another. And Paul said, I
CORINTHIANS 3:9 For
we are labourers together with God: ye are God's husbandry, [ye are] God's
building. 10 According to the grace of
God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the
foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he
buildeth thereupon. 11 ¶ For other foundation can no man lay than that
is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now
if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay,
stubble; 13 Every man's work shall be
made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by
fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is. 14 If any man's work abide which he hath built
thereupon, he shall receive a reward.